The Sandwich Generation: Saving for Retirement While Helping Everyone Else
By Neil Stalter, CFP®, ChFC®, RICP®, CBEC®, CDFA®
You can be the person everyone counts on—and still wonder who is looking out for you.
For many people, that question becomes especially real during the years when life seems to demand more from every direction. Your children may need help paying for college, buying their first home, or simply getting started in an increasingly expensive world. At the same time, your parents may be getting older and beginning to need more of your time, attention, and financial support.
And then there’s you.
Somewhere in between helping your children and caring for your parents, you’re supposed to be saving for retirement, managing your own expenses, and preparing for a future that may be 20 or 30 years away. This is the reality for many people in what has become known as the sandwich generation.
It’s Okay to Put Your Retirement on the List
As a financial advisor, I see how easy it is for people to put their own financial goals on the back burner when someone they love needs help.
There’s a natural instinct to say, “I’ll take care of myself later.” But, later can be difficult to plan for.
Your children may have options when it comes to paying for college. They may be able to borrow, work, or find scholarships. Your parents may have Social Security, retirement savings, or other resources available to them. But when it comes to your retirement, there is no guarantee that someone else will be there to make up the difference. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t help your family. It means you should make sure helping them today doesn’t create a financial crisis for you tomorrow.
Have the Conversations Before You Need Them
Helping aging parents can be particularly challenging because financial conversations are often uncomfortable. Do you know what your parents have saved? Do they have long-term care insurance? Do you know where their important documents are? Have they talked about their wishes for their estate? These aren’t easy questions to ask, but they become much harder when you’re trying to answer
them in the middle of a crisis.
The same is true with your children. Setting expectations about what you can and cannot afford to provide isn’t a sign that you love them any less. In many cases, it’s an important lesson in financial responsibility.
Your Financial Future Matters, Too
One of the most important things I remind clients is that taking care of yourself financially isn’t selfish. In fact, it may be one of the greatest gifts you can give your family.
Imagine reaching retirement and realizing that you can’t afford the lifestyle you envisioned because you spent years helping everyone else. You may then find yourself needing financial assistance from the very children you were trying so hard to help. A better approach is to create boundaries around what you can comfortably provide while continuing to save for your own future. This might mean contributing less toward a child’s college expenses than you originally imagined. It might mean asking siblings to share responsibility for a parent’s care. Or, it might simply mean making retirement savings a non-negotiable part of your monthly financial plan.
There isn’t one right answer. Every family is different.
You Don’t Have to Choose
Being part of the sandwich generation can feel like you’re constantly choosing between the people you love and the future you want.
You don’t have to. With thoughtful planning, honest conversations, and a clear understanding of what you can realistically afford, it is possible to support your family while still building a secure financial future for yourself. After all, the goal isn’t simply to be there for everyone today. It’s to make sure you’re financially strong enough to be there for the people you love for many years to come.
Planning for the “just in case: moments is a big part of what I do. As a financial advisor, I help clients not only protect their assets and build their net worth, but also think about how those decisions can protect the people they care about most. Because financial planning isn’t just about preparing for the future you hope for. It’s also about preparing for the future you can’t predict—and making sure the people you
love are protected along the way.
